Advice about children living with a sick parent

[JaneJ]

Hi all,

As you know lee has been ill now for over 12 years.

I was 4 months pregnant with Alivia when the first accident happened and he broke his back.

when she was younger it was easy to shield her from what was going on especially his attempts on his life. Now she is 12 she understands more and is finding things very hard.( she doesn't know about the suicide attempts thankfully)she had a huge panic attack on Saturday as she isn't coping well with all we go through. Lee doesn't do any dad things and with his anger issues and behaviour has alienated Sam and is well on the way with Liv. she wants her friends to understand what she goes through but on the flip side while they don't know the full extent they don't judge or treat her differently so at school she feels normal. However if she is struggling at school she wants to be ale to say she is having a bad day and be supported not questioned.

She is so jealous of her friends and their dad's who do things with them and have fun.

i would like her to see someone to help her through some of the harder incidents she has witnessed but she won't she says that would be the worst thing for her. Same as when I said I would talk to the school.

she said talking to me will help. She hasn't in the past as she thought it would upset me. I have done cognitive behaviour therapy and am trying to pass parts of this on to her top help with panic attacks (she has had a couple before but didn't tell me or know what they were)

I want to be able to help her but am i doing the right thing? Should i look at professional help or see how it goes with the 2 of us talking?

has anyone else been through this?

[maureenho]

That's a tricky one Jane as I've not been through it, my feeling would be take it gradually with your daughter as you know her better than anyone else.

[wendy]

I think I would leave cards about childline about the house.
I know mind would be a great support but maybe your daughter needs to make her choices herself.
Very difficult for you.
Xxx

[annie]

I agree, it is a tricky one Jane. All you can do is suggest help & continue to support her yourself, she has to realize herself that she needs help. My son just told me yesterday hat he was resentful about his dad not being there for him in his teenage years like other dads. It is hard to see your kids miss out through no fault of their own. I will pm you
Love annxxx

[JaneJ]

Thank you all for your kind support.

I gave lee a kick up the a**e and he does seem to be moving in the right direction. So fingers crossed!

Liv has been talking a lot to me and long may that last. i feel like such a bad mum for her to feel like this. i try so hard to keep the health problems away from her and for her to have as normal a childhood as possible. I really feel like a failure. I will keep talking with her and hopefully she will improve and if Lee keeps trying too it might make things alright.


xxxxx

[wendy]

Well for a start, forget those ideas of being a bad mother. You do your best as we all know.
No one gives us instructions to be a mother, and the only way that you know you are doing it right, is when they love you.
keep strong, and I mean it when I say 'All will be well'

[maureenho]

Jane you are a good mother otherwise you wouldn't be so concerned,
Fingers crossed things keep going in the right direction, we all need a kick up the whats it now and then.

[JaneJ]

Thank you that means the world to me.

You know what it's like when you over think things and the dark clouds of guilt appear.

Thank you for being so supportive and kind.

love you all

xx