Dressing frustrations

[Grommit]

So, here we are nearly 17 years into Jeans Alzheimers and I still cannot get this dressing business sorted out into a smooth, well organised daily routine. I still have to take a deep breath and count up to 10 before I even start it.

Cold weather brings even worse problems as she needs more clothes to keep her warm although (between you and me and strictly confidential) the amount of ironing of tops and blouses declines dramatically during the winter months. What’s the use of ironing tops and the like when they are constantly hidden under cardigans, jumpers and coats?

The more fastidious amongst you may disagree and in mitigation I would reply that I am a mere male and the use of the iron with the attachments has always been something to be avoided. In any case, every time I mention ironing to my female acquaintances they say things like, “Don’t bother, I don’t do it,” or, “Ironing? What’s that then?”

Dressing Jean then causes me problems. I tend to start at the top and work down.

Bra first- this cannot be put on while Jean is in a sitting position because I need to get round the back for the hooks and eyes. Standing still for Jean is now almost impossible as her sense of balance has almost completely gone. So I sort out which way the thing goes on, slide the straps up my arms, hold Jeans hands while she stands and slide the straps down my own arms onto hers.

This is the signal for Jean to move her arms and spread the fingers and thumbs of each hand to such an extent that the straps get entangled between fingers and thumbs . While I am sorting out the strap between the fingers of one hand, she seizes the opportunity and drops her other arm so the strap slides off the fingers and the thing is left dangling as if pegged on the washing line using only one peg.

Ok, so I eventually get the straps on, over the shoulders and the cups more or less in place. All we have to do now is the hooks and eyes. Hold Jean by the shoulders gently, remember she wobbles a lot when stood up, and carefully work my way round to the back only to find that she has followed me round and, in doing so, the straps have slid down her arms again.

Tops next- After experiencing tug of war situations with tight fitting tops, all Jeans tops are one size larger than she really needs. Alright so they are floppy, unfashionable, non-figure hugging and probably, she been well, would have caused a remark like, “I wouldn’t be seen dead in that!” So they are picked for ease of getting on and, equally important, getting off.

Again, my arms go down the body of the material, opening it out ready to pop over her head, a matter of a few seconds only. In that few seconds she has wobbled 3 steps back and I miss her completely. As I am putting it on, both her arms go up and expand in such a way that the top is now 4 sizes too big.

Push arms down and both hands disappear under her arm pits as if she is trying to warm herself on a bitterly cold winters day. Now we have the problem of getting arms into sleeves. Push my hand down a sleeve, grab a wrist and pull. Oops wrong arm – try again.

Now comes the tricky bit. Slide sleeve up arm only to find that the elbow is now situated somewhere behind the shoulder blade and the top of the arm is clamped heavily down the side of the body and refuses to move. It is therefore impossible to pull the arm out through the length of the sleeve. Repeat this for the other arm and the whole procedure for jumpers, cardigans and, where appropriate, outdoor wear.

Trousers- now these can be half applied in a sitting position. Sit Jean on chair, spread trouser on floor, arm up one leg, grab foot and roll trouser leg up body leg. Easy peasy? Jean has developed an obsession for crossing her left leg over her right leg when sitting so I cannot put the right trouser leg on first because it is blocked by the crossed left leg. I have tried it and what happens is that I get the right trouser leg just above her ankle when the left leg swings round and hits my ear.

So left leg first. Place trousers onto left leg and lift left leg off right knee, place her foot on the floor and try to get right trouser leg before leg crossing starts again in 3.5milliseconds.
Stand her up, trousers fall down and bottoms of trousers legs are on her heels so that they cannot be pulled up.

Shoes- given the obsessional leg crossing all I have to do here is place shoes on feet and fasten laces whilst avoiding swinging legs.

Good fun this caring lark.

[annie]

Oh dear Derek, thinking of youxxxxx

[Rosalind]

I feel your frustration Derek.

[JaneJ]

It is so hard. By the time you have battled this it must be bedtime. Thinking of you x