There is no point crying over..........

[JaneJ]

........... A clean duvet!

day 1 of mum not being here

As you know I have had an operation and have put my care in the hands of the gods! Or in this case my husband Lee.

It is 2 weeks and 1 day since my operation and my mum left yesterday. With the parting words of i will be back if you can't manage. Words that sent a chill through the heart of Lee! He has just about survived extended time with his mother in law! And I mean just!

I have run this operation and recuperation time like a military operation. There have been colour coded schedules and lists on the fridge for weeks. Everyone who is involved in helping (they did volunteer bless them) has been a located a colour. With the warning don't mess with the schedule under threat of court Marshall! My mum was a located red obviously and was the only one who can fiddle with it. Mainly as even though I am 46 I am scared sh*#$€# s by her!

The are menus on the fridge to prevent dithering and indesisiveness! The shopping is done from my bed on the tablet, and the house or has been split into manageable chunks.. sounds easy doesn't it?

Now add in that I care for Lee not the other way round. I have been in turmoil since I found out I needed this hysterectomy as the recovery is a long time ad the ability to lift or do anything is prohibited. When my mum was here I felt safe and secure. I'm sure most of you lie me find that an alien concept. We are the ones who provide that in our households and not a feeling we have ourselves with the mountain of our responsibilities.

flying solo so to speak and the schedule is going well. I have been fed, watered and had my shower.mnow while I have my shower my mum changes my bedding. So Lee , bless him (remember the fear he has of my mother returning!) Is now doing battle with a task he hasn t done in over a decade ( not necessarily because he hasn't always been able but due to the fact he is a man!) I come back to the wreck of a husband looking defeated over the right way round for a sheet. The pain he is in ad the tears he is now in set me off. I feel useless, a burden and totally out of control. I join him at the end of the bed sobbing over a clean duvet cover.

He has retired in a sweaty mess to his recliner chair and I thought (as I sniff and snot) that maybe this could turn into a positive experience if I share it with you. Lee has announced next week he will get his mum to do the bedding! We are back on track, tears dried, sense of humour peering round the corner and on its way to returning.

I have had a small peek into the life of my loved one I care for. It is humbling and restores my strength of mind to remember this when I care for him again. Being the dared one is mentally tough and I can see how debilitating it can be on your self esteem.. so half way through day one and many a lesson learnt. We are working together more now and I can see the months of planning and scheduling will pay off. There may be more tears along the way but at least I have a clean bed!So day one flyi
So

[JaneJ]

Please excuse spelling and words inthe wrong place my tablet Iis not doing what I want!!!!

[maureenho]

It's not until the strong person is out of action the rest realize how much that person holds everything together, I hope your family now keep appreciating how much you do.
Make sure you do the right things to make a good recovery and build your strength up gradually.

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[annie]

Thankyou for sharing your trials and tribulations, I do hope the rest of your recuperation goes well Jane & you continue to be good to yourself and allow time for the healing to take place. Thinking of you
Love Anniexxxx 33900 h###u

[wendy]

Thank you and sending a big hug to
both of you

[Rosalind]

You must put yourself first Jane, hopefully now your family will realise how much you do and appreciate you more, once you have made a full recovery and you are back on your feet. Take care of yourself.
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h###u h###u h###u h###u h###u

[JaneJ]

Day 2


well we all had a lie in today. Lee woke me at 9am as per last night's instructions. So far so good.

Liv made us breakfast and we had a snuggle. Then the stress started. What shall i do today? I referred him to the in depth schedule that is on the fridge. When you are the carer and take care of all responsibilities I think it becomes very easy to stop thinking about or seeing the things that need doing as you take for granted that Tey will be done. Obviously not all carees are able to do a huge amount f things but Lee can do more he just chooses not to. So I am hoping this will retrain him and get him into a train of thought that he can do more and it became a habit for the rest of our lives and improve our family life.

So I have had a small walk an da visit from my friend. Time for lunch and then a nap.

We will see what tomorrow brings.

[JaneJ]

Day 3

well all fears of not being able to do what i usuallydo has come to ffruition.

On Saturday Lee accidentally ran over the back of Livs foot with his mobility scooter. After a trip to the walk in center that evening. Lee took her via taxi. Again i wasn't able to be there for her which is eating me up. She has sprained her foot and is bandaged up and in crutches. So Liv is out of action and in pain.she is insisting going to school today as she has a maths test. So i can't even drive her to school. It is so frustrating. The school have been vet supportive and allowing her time to get to classes and a key to use the lift for upstairs classes.

so Lee is struggling doing Ll chores and taking care of Liv. This operation and it's recuperation time is really stretching my anxieties and stress levels. I know it is doing Lee good to be the main person responsible but it is hard lying here while thingsneed ddoing. Lee doing well so far so maybe this will help him in th e long run. We will see how this plays out.

Maybe me having my foot of the excellerator for a while is just what we need anthem beginning of a new hater in lees recovery.

[maureenho]

Try and stay calm Jane, you will recover quicker, I know it is frustrating I would be climbing the walls if I was laid up.
Sorry to hear about Livs foot, hope she recovers soon and good luck to her for maths test.

Sometimes these things happen for a reason, it could be what your Lee needs to kick start him to take on some of the responsibility.

f4o33

[annie]

Try to let Lee get on with it Jane & try to close your eyes to what doesn't get done, as Mo says it may be the making of him. Thinking of you
Hope Liv's foot is soon on the mend
Love anniexx h###u h###u h###u

[Sheila-Anne]

Jane, I agree with the other's comments. Don't worry about what isn't getting done, there's another day tomorrow!
Try to rest and not get stressed too much because that might make you want to do things too soon after your op. I wish I lived closer so I could come and help you. Hope Liv's foot is better soon, and let Lee get used to doing more every day, then when you are better try involving him and do things together so it takes some of the burden off you.
Sheila

[JaneJ]

Thank you all for your wonderful support.

Livs foot has got more swollen so back to the docs for her tonight! Lee is trying quite hard bless him. I am hoping this gives him a whole new out look on his capabilities. But boy is he moaning a lot! Lol

this doing nothing is driving me to distraction! Lol