The 36 questions which can make you fall in love with anyone

[wendy]

According to psychologist Arthur Aron, we are just 36 simple questions away from finding love.

Stacia Briggs
Monday, March 23, 2015
2:06 PM

It would be nice if there was a scientific route to true love, wouldn’t it? THERE IS ONE.



It involves asking someone – anyone – the following questions and answering them yourself which, according to psychologist Arthur Aron, who published the questions in a study called The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness (swoon), fosters an immediate atmosphere “of mutual vulnerability and intimacy that a romantic relationship thrives on”.

So: it’s spring, it’s the mating season, let’s fall in love. Please don’t hold me responsible if you do fall in love with me after reading the answers to the questions – I have some horrible habits that make me very difficult to live with, see below.

1) Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? I wouldn’t want anyone. I would want someone else to invite me to dinner, so I didn’t have to cook.

2) Would you like to be famous? In what way? No. None.

3) Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Do people do this? Who has time to rehearse a telephone call? I call dozens of people every day. Sometimes I forget who I’m talking to halfway through a conversation. Come to think of it, I actually NEED to start rehearsing my calls.

4) What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? Some key announcements: world peace, the discovery of failsafe cures for all illnesses, the filming of a fourth series of The Mighty Boosh, the extinction of slugs. Everyone being happy. Maybe having chips for tea.

5) When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? Within the last hour. Within the last day. I sing continually.

6) If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? It depends which 30-year-old we’re talking about. If we’re talking about me, I had a four-year-old and a two-year-old at 30 and was wrecked both physically and mentally. Most 90-year-olds could have lapped me in a race.

7) Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? YES! I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED!

8) Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common: We are both unbelievably attractive/universally adored/somewhat deluded.

9) For what in your life do you feel most grateful? Toaster bags. Amazing.

10) If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? We’ve touched on this before: I am the least only only child I know. Mummy and Daddy didn’t buy me a horse, a television or force me to take part in beauty pageants. I would like to have had at least a bit of ridiculous spoiling, involving being bought a BMW for my 17th birthday, having Wham! play at my 13th birthday party and so forth. Nothing too big. Only a few trips to DisneyWorld.

11) Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible: Seriously? I have been doing that for readers for the past 15 years. You know me better than I do – I write all this stuff and instantly forget it.

12) If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? Predicting winning lottery numbers.

13) If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? I think you are referring to Google – it’s already there. Only yesterday I discovered that the term ‘spinster’ was abolished on UK official documents in 2005 – I will not, therefore, die a spinster, even if I am one. HOORAY!

14) Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? I’d love to write a brilliant book. I am hampered by the fact I haven’t thought what to write a book about – it somewhat limits my progress.

15) What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? Passing my maths O-level. Oh, and the kids.

16) What do you value most in a friendship? People who get my jokes (see number 32).

17) What is your most treasured memory? I can’t pick just one.
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18) What is your most terrible memory? See above.

19) If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are living now? I would change EVERYTHING! Starting with blowing the kids’ inheritance on a series of opulent and unnecessary trips abroad.

20) What does friendship mean to you? Having the brothers and sisters that nature didn’t provide.

21) What roles do love and affection play in your life? None whatsoever. I am a misanthrope. Wait…don’t go…

22) Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. I refuse to answer badly worded questions.

23) Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s? Yes. Even despite the lack of ponies and tellies.

24) How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? I speak to her every day. One week she buys the chips, the next week I buy the chips. I wish she was tidier, she wishes I was less obsessive about tidiness. We both know how to use apostrophes.

25) Make three true “we” statements. For instance: “We are both in this room feeling…” I’m imagining you, the reader: We are both reading or writing this column. We are both thinking ‘yes, it really WOULD be great to wake up tomorrow being able to predict winning lottery tickets’. We are both breathing.

26) Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…” …My disturbing passion for Febreze-based products.

27) If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know: I am impossible to buy presents for.

28) Tell your partner what you like about them. Be very honest. Everything. Other than the things I’ve already listed to you in that document lodged with our solicitor.

29) Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life: The moment I had to tell a boyfriend’s mother that I might have passed my headlice to her.

30) When did you last cry in front of another person? With laughter when my friend related a story far too salacious to share – it was the hand gestures that did it.

31) Tell your partner the first thing you liked about them: His effortlessly rising soufflé.

32) What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? Nothing. You just have to do it in the right way.

33) If you were to die this evening, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet? I spend my life assuming I am at death’s door. I’ve told everyone everything they need to know. I’ve even written down the wifi password for future generations.

34) Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? I am not playing Death Top Trumps with my family.

35) Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved one and pets, you have time to save any one item. What? The taxidermy collection – those animals have suffered enough.

36) Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how to handle it: I am incapable of taking anyone’s advice. Please help me.
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[annie]

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[Rosalind]

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