Quotes

[annie]

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept
crossing my mind -
every part of this rocket was supplied by the
lowest bidder.

~ John Glenn

*****

When the white missionaries
came to Africa they had the Bible
and we had the land. They said 'Let
us pray.' We closed our eyes.
When we opened them we had the Bible and they had
the land.

~ Desmond
Tutu

*****

America is the only country
where a significant proportion of the population believes that
professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was
faked.

~ David
Letterman

*****

I'm not a paranoid, deranged
millionaire. God dammit, I'm a billionaire.

~ Howard
Hughes

*****

After the game, the King and
the pawn go into the same box.

~ Italian
proverb

*****

Men are like linoleum
floors.
Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for
thirty years.

~ Betsy
Salkind

*****

The only reason they say 'Women
and children first' is to test the strength of the
lifeboats.

~ Jean
Kerr

*****

I've been married to a
communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the
garbage.

~ Zsa Zsa
Gabor

*****

You know you're a redneck if
your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

~ Jeff
Foxworthy

*****

When a man opens a car door for
his wife,it's either a new car or a new
wife.

~ Prince
Philip

*****

A computer once beat me at
chess,but it was no match for me at
kickboxing.

~ Emo
Philips.

*****

Wood burns faster when you have
to cut and chop it yourself.

~ Harrison
Ford

*****

The best cure for sea sickness,
is to sit under a tree.

~ Spike
Milligan

*****

Lawyers believe a man is
innocent until proven broke.

~ Robin
Hall

*****

Kill one man and you're a
murderer,kill a million and you're a
conqueror.

~ Jean
Rostand.

*****

Having more money doesn't make
you happier.
I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as
when I had 48 million.

~ Arnold
Schwarzenegger.

*****

We are here on earth to do good
unto others.
What the others are here for, I have no
idea.

~ WH
Auden

*****

In hotel rooms I worry.
I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture
naked.

~ Jonathan
Katz

*****

If life were fair Elvis would
still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.

~ Johnny
Carson

*****

I don't believe in astrology.
I am a Sagittarius and we're very
skeptical.

~ Arthur C
Clarke

*****

Hollywood must be the only
place on earth where you can be
fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.

~ Steve
Martin

*****

Home cooking . . . where many a
man thinks his wife is.

~ Jimmy
Durante

*****

America is so advanced that
even the chairs are electric.

~ Doug
Hamwell

*****

The first piece of luggage on
the carousel never belongs to anyone.

~ George
Roberts

*****

If God had intended us to fly
he would have made it easier to get to the airport

~ Jonathan
Winters

*****

I have kleptomania, but when it
gets bad, I take something for it.

~ Robert
Benchley

[JaneJ]

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