Modernopoly

[Grommit]

It’s time the old game of Monopoly was brought up to date so here are a few ideas.

For a start the top hat is “old hat” these days so we will change that to a baseball cap.

The racing car is not environmentally friendly anymore, we will change that to an electric car.

We will change the boot to a Nike Trainer.

We shall also have to change the smoothing iron as this is evocative of family slavery so we need something to reflect the concept of female emancipation. As a mere male I will have to leave this one to members of the opposite sex for nominations.

What about changing the Scottie dog to an American Pit Bull Terrier?

The board itself needs changing.

Old Kent Road is changed to Kentucky Fried Chicken Road and is totally owned by an American Consortium. There are no properties for sale here but you can apply for a franchise from Colonel Sanders to run one of the outlets.

The Community Chest will change its name to the Big Society Chest and any card drawn from there will request the player to volunteer, without pay, for any of the following:- Special Police Constable (believe me they are unpaid), library duties, visiting old and disabled people in the Community, digging the mud from the bottom of disused canals and any other similar work which used to be a full time job.

Whitechapel Road is property which is now worth millions and well beyond the pockets of players unless the Bank offers loans and investment portfolios that match the price. This is all well and good but beware of the small print “your property may be at risk if you do not keep up with your repayments, however, you are at liberty to apply to Wonga for a further loan.”

Income Tax - £200. This square applies only to those players who have less than £3000.00 of cash or property or have Zero hours contracts at their place of work. Any player who has £10 million of property and cash can disregard this square when they land on it.

Kings Cross Station – closed due to strike by Railway unions.

The Chance square has now been changed to the National Lottery square. The player that lands on this square is forced to buy at least £10 worth of lottery tickets which are then torn up and thrown away.

Euston and Pentonville Road are both properties and are under the same rules as Whitechapel Road.

In Jail/Just Visiting – this square does not apply to Bankers and Libor Bank Rate fixers.

Pall Mall – see Whitechapel Road.

Electric Company has now been changed to Off and On Shore Wind Farm Company. Windmills can be purchased via the Bank and no need be taken of any local objectors.

Whitehall and Northumberland Avenue contain no properties as these have all been turned into Pizza Hut outlets, Thai and Indian Take Away premises and Starbucks.

Marylebone Station – closed for Engineering works.

Bow Street – see Whitechapel Road and add £20 million for each property.

Community Chest – volunteer for unpaid Community First Responder work and attend accidents and life threatening situations with First Aid knowledge.

Marlborough Street and Vine Street – no building allowed on these streets as they have all been taken over by Tesco, Morrisons and Sainsburys Extra stores. All the Smaller traders such as Gentlemens Outfitters, sweet shops, Specialist Garment Emporiums and Luggage providers have moved away.

Free Parking square is now called Pay To Have Clamp Removed square.

Strand, Fleet Street and Trafalgar Square are now grouped together to form The Charity Shop Business District where about 700 Charities are represented but Food Banks can be set up by the player

Chance – an opportunity to sell the property you own to overseas buyers. Your financial gains chance is reliant on selling your property to Middle Eastern Potentates or Russian Oligarchs.

Fenchurch Street Station closed – leaves on the line.

Leicester Square and Coventry Street – see Waterworks below.

Waterworks – now renamed Fracking Works. The works is closed down and machinery has been installed to bore holes and inject massive amounts of water in an effort to find gas. A warning is issued however that this may induce earthquakes which will totally destroy Leicester Square and Coventry Street and so render the properties in those areas worthless.

Piccadilly – now named Repatriation Square as it holds immigrant criminals who cannot be deported due to EU Regulations and orders from the Court of Human rights. Properties in this area can only be purchased following a 15 year legal battle to send residents back home.

Go To Jail – this only applies to those people who are unable to afford legal representation now that the right to Legal Aid has been withdrawn.

Regent Street and Oxford Street – all the properties here are occupied by the student community and the player landing on these squares must be prepared to wait until the reduction in Student Housing Grants take effect.

Community Chest- now renamed Big Society Chest – any player landing on this square is now tasked with trying to unravel the Gas and Electric Tariffs sent by the Big 4 Companies to users who are totally mystified.

Bond Street – now renamed 50 Shades of Grey Street. The only properties allowed on here are those connected with BDSM and other such activities such as marbles in wellies and the like.

Liverpool Street Station – investors in this property are likely to earn millions of pounds as this property is subject to a Compulsory Purchase Order by the Government. It is due to be demolished in order to begin work, within the next 300 years, on another Terminal for Heathrow Airport.

Park Lane –this area is now given over to medical practioners and building is restricted to surgeries and the doctors are given licence to charge a fixed consultation fee of £300 per minute.

Super Tax – this square is not applicable to Google and other players who have offshore accounts in obscure countries around the globe.

Mayfair is now renamed as trillionaires row . The only building allowed here are 18 hole golf courses, in the back garden, Olympic size swimming pools and wildlife hunting which includes tigers, elephants and defaulters on bedroom tax payments.

[annie]

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