Carers Chill4us | Carers message board

I have been feeling very sorry for myself,because I can't do the things I use to do,because my caring role as changed so much,i nipped to tescos this morning and I was crying all the way home,I have even startedto avoid people so I don't have to speak to them,stans brain isn't the same as it was,I'm hoping it will improve with time
As anybody else felt this way,or is it me being selfish

Love Ann x

Hi Ann

If it is selfish to feel like this, then I will join you as I have been feeling this way for quite some time due to caring role becoming more and more demanding.    Hubby needs lots of help with everything - his health has deteriorated a lot compared with this time last year, both physically and mentally.

When I nip out briefly for shopping I often feel upset as it seems that everywhere you look people are in couples or with chums or family, and I feel badly in need of the companionship that many people take for granted.

Selfish?  I don't think so Ann  xx

Bless you Ann and Daisy,
You are the two most unselfish people that I know.
I remember a friend of mine she used to say this, about everyone being a couple and holding hands, etc.
Life is very unfair, and because I dont see you regularly I cannot actually see your pain, but I can feel it.
I think every member of chill will have some kind of life pain, and all I can say, is they somehow learn to live with it.  I get very down, especially when I think I am always going to be on my own.
You are two very brave ladies and should hold your heads up high.  You could so easily have chosen to walk away from the caring role, but you stuck with 'in sickness and in health'  I respect you very much and in some ways I envy you.  I wish I could have cared for my loved one as their carer.
love
Wendy

Bless you - thank you Wendy xx

When changes happen in our lives especially when caring we can get overwhelmed by the emotion of it all which is only natural, we look around at other peoples lives and they seem to sail through life without a hitch (that we can see) hold your head up and be proud of what you do caring for your loved one, you have that peace of mind they are being well cared for by YOU.

I am glad you feel able to off load and share your thoughts with us Ann and Daisy, it's not an easy thing to do but I hope it has helped.

Try and find a little time to yourself to do something distracting from caring, even if it's doing a word game in a magazine for 30 mins or something like that.
I use to play games in Chill's arcade for distraction when I got the chance.

hu**** hu****

tha22222. Daisy Wendy and mo for your lovely replies

Lots of love Ann x

I feel very humble that Mo could write such wise words, in the very week of the first anniversary of the death of her dear daughter.
I cannot begin to understand how she and Derek must feel.
On Chill, we all have problems and we learn to accept and support one another through the good and the bad times, we realize that we make mistakes and we overlook these to remember the good times.
It cheers me to think of this when times are bad. You truly are special people.

Dear Ann, no way are you selfish for thinking like that, sometimes we need a little wallow & It can be good for you to have a good cry. We suffer so many losses when in the caring role, big things and little things & often it is the little things like just holding hands walking down the street that gets to us. Like Mo says a little distraction  can help & writing bout how we feel either on here or in a journal can be useful too.  Love annnxxxxxxx hu****

When I go out I often find somewhere quiet to sit and have  a cry. I have not been out for the last week due to Karen being ill. It has been a hard week and I realise how much I need my me time!! It's nice when we can share feelings xx

yes Debs, it is nice when we can share our precious feelings and that is why Chill is here.
We cant have a cup of coffee or tea or even a hug, but we can give warmth and friendship and most of all we can give compassion.
This is the quality of being a peer support group. ki12

hu**** hu**** hu**** hu****
x

All carers ar special people and it's not being selfish to wish things or life was different for us.I am lucky in that i have Ray my husband to talk to and for support but his health is not brilliant and i wonder what the future will be for us.
i often feel very sad when family and friends talk of their grandchildren because David will never have children or a partner/wife.
my crying time is in the shower,by the time i dry myself i can then come out of the bathroom with a different look on my face.


Love Myrna xx  gpr